As I peeked into the nightstand drawer of my vacation hotel room this past weekend, I was surprised to see staring up at me both the Bhagavad Gita and Gideon’s Bible, side-by-side. The hotel is owned by a friendly Indian American family, and it made sense they would include a Hindu holy text in the nightstand, in addition to the ubiquitous Christian scripture. I thought for a moment how great it would be if all humans could take a page from these neighbors, and those of different beliefs and religions could exist harmoniously, side-by-side.
I mean, really though, how can this harmony exist between humans when there is so much strife?
I remember meeting a special therapy dog in a hospital in which I used to work many years ago. It was some sort of a sheep dog, and it must have weighed one-hundred-and-fifty pounds. He was the gentlest canine I have ever met perhaps, and, according to his owner, he would not even bark or growl if a patient pulled his fur (maybe that’s why he was a therapy dog!). Neither would this huge creature react to other dogs, including their barks, if they should have been brave enough to come around. Things were different with my own tiny six-pound companion at the time. Unlike the gargantuan therapy dog, she would release a fury of barks if she even saw another dog, especially a large one!
This, I believe, has to do with security. Animals who are larger than average in their species are often naturally more secure around others of their kind because they believe in their own power. They don’t feel as threatened by competition because they know they have an advantage. If you are small in the animal world, you may feel less secure, and compensate with more verbal aggression to protect yourself. (Of course, not all small dogs bark aggressively or defensively, and not all large dogs are calm and patient. But stick with me here, I have a point..).
In human terms, our sense of power and security has a lot to do with our self-worth. Insecurity also often leads to disharmony and aggression in our relationships, both on a micro and on a macro scale. In the message I channeled from the Pleiadean Star Beings a few weeks ago on my radio show, the lesson was about decreasing violence by shifting out of the guilt and shame. The Pleiadeans advised that these feelings can be debilitating but are common and part of the human learning experience. However, these emotions seem to be collectively magnified and distorted at this time. Even though I usually try to focus on peace, confidence, and self-worth, etc., right now I will humor the Pleiadeans and explore the mysterious relationship between violence, guilt, and shame (which will hopefully lead to the alternative - peace, confidence, and self-worth!).
I have worked with many clients over the years who been victims of bullying, and I’ve worked with the bullies too. It is ironic that the bullies themselves are often some of the most wounded, insecure individuals on the planet. They have very likely been mistreated, abused, neglected, or the victims of bullying themselves. Bullies are often acting out their distress from a sense of shame, guilt, insecurity, or fear. Our prisons are filled with people who suffer from many problems, the greatest often being a lack of self-worth. They have often been abused or neglected, and this can lead to a disruption in one’s sense of personal power or belief that help is available. I’m talking about power here! Where is your sense of power and efficacy? If you try to get it by dominating or controlling others, stealing, or manipulation, you will find that you are walking on a path of instability and misery. It is a misplacement and misunderstanding of power and how to get it. True empowerment comes, of course, from within. When we tap into our Divine Center, this energy is free to flow outward. This is the big dog mentality, whether our actual size is big or small. We are secure because our worth comes from within.
Self-love and self-worth are the keys to healing so many human atrocities. I believe my Star Being friends were pointing out that as we teach our children to love and accept themselves, we create more evolved states of consciousness individually and collectively. Feeling ashamed means feeling less-than, and we tend towards destructive or self-destructive behaviors when this goes unchecked. This can wreak havoc on our relationships and our lives. To release guilt and shame, we must find a way to love and forgive ourselves. We must love and forgive our neighbors, see the spark of human sacredness in each one, and avoid responding to others’ aggression or competitiveness defensively. We can be like the big sheep dog and remain calm and self-assured even if those around us are trying to ruffle our …fur. This is an important part of stopping the cycle of bullying, shame, and violence. It can also help improve our relationships in general.
Even on a micro level, if we are feeling good about ourselves, we are less likely to lash out or respond to others with irritation or criticism. We are more likely to have the capacity for patience, empathy, and understanding. We can allow someone who is “bigger”, has vastly different beliefs, or even someone who is rude or disrespectful to exist alongside us, replacing defensiveness and aggression with tolerance and the radiance of love. If you don’t react to a bully’s perpetrations, what very often happens? Over time, it really annoys them. They are not getting the desired reaction or stolen energy to boost their self-worth from you. Eventually? Yes, that’s right: they give up! You are not playing the game of victim/perpetrator anymore. You transcend to divine self-confidence and self-worth, which is a foundation of security. This opens the door for your neighbor to make a positive change as well. (Of course, bullying dynamics are sometimes more complex than this description, and can involve complex trauma that is requires complex trauma work to resolve. The underlying dynamic is one, on some level at least, most of us have some experience with).
To add to the planet’s peace, remind yourself how amazing you are! Build yourself up with love and appreciation. Connect with your Higher Power and feel the appreciation from this Divine Source and let go of other’s judgment or misguided competitiveness. See past others’ mistakes and differences. Take the high road when someone becomes defensive or aggressive. Most people attack out of their own sense of personal lack, not yours. Rather than taking things personally, stop the cycle by seeing their inner light, despite their mean bark! By staying connected to your center and remembering your own divine worth and power, you show others how to do the same.
Blog by Anne Vivian